


Voices

by gibbsandtonysbabe



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Love, M/M, life threatening injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 10:16:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2847422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gibbsandtonysbabe/pseuds/gibbsandtonysbabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In one moment as he unknowingly hovered between life and death a chorus of voices pleaded that he be ok and allowed to remain in their world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voices

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the most awesome Amy for all her Beta work!
> 
> I own nothing of these characters or NCIS (still really bummed by that) and make no money.

He had never given much thought about God, not since he had lost his girls. Though he still believed in a Higher Power, he had long since stopped believing his prayers meant anything. He had come to an understanding of sorts over the years. This wasn’t punishment for the lives he had taken as a Marine - logically he knew this for fact, though it was hard for him to believe after the losses he suffered. Still it felt that even with the level of pain and loss he had to bear over the years, this was a punishment of sorts and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. 

 

As far as he was concerned, any Deity that was out there had stopped listening to him years ago and a part of him believed that was a good idea, they had never seen eye to eye to begin with. However, right now he found himself in a darkly lit hospital Chapel praying, begging, if he was more truthful; pleading with God not to take the man that was at this moment fighting for his life. He would be lying if he said this was a totally selfless act, but for once, he didn’t give a damn about that. Tony had to survive - there really was no other option.

 

If begging for a miracle was what it took, then beg he would, hell he would sell his soul to Satan himself if it meant Tony would live, he was hell bound anyway. All he knew was that he would not survive another loss of this magnitude and he was tired…damn tired of sacrificing his happiness. He wouldn’t this time. 

 

He found himself making promises, compromises and life changes if in this once instance he could have the one thing he asked for; even pointed out that he had never asked for anything before now. He didn’t care what he had to say as long as it worked.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

Gibbs left the Chapel heading back towards the waiting room unable to stray too far from where he may hear word on Tony. There were too many thoughts running through his head to do much more than sit there waiting for information of any kind.

 

“Jethro.” Ducky had been trying to get the man’s attention for some minutes. “Jethro.” Placing a hand on the other man’s shoulders, “I have clothes for you to change into and we need yours for Abby to process.” He handed a paper bag to his friend, taking in his demeanor.

 

“Have we heard anything on young Anthony yet?”

 

Gibbs shook his head unable to use his voice afraid that the mere act of opening his mouth would give voice to all his fears.

 

“Well then, I shall go make a pest of myself and see what I might be able to find out while you go change. McGee shall be along with coffee and to pick up your clothes.” He gently guided his friend in the direction of a bathroom watching as he walked inside. 

 

“Oh my friend I believe that this being the season of miracles I shall pray that you be granted this one. Anthony my boy I pray you remember Jethro’s directive not to die.” Sighing heavily as he made his way to the Trauma Center.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

McGee finished processing the scene trying to maintain a calm demeanor as he looked down at all the blood that was on the ground. It wasn’t just anyone’s blood - it was Tony’s. He was still having a hard time accepting all that happened in that second.

 

He hadn’t seen the man stepping out of the shadows, but Tony had and he had pushed him out of the way taking aim at the man. Unfortunately, the other man got a shot off a second before Tony and it managed to find its target.

 

It all happened so fast - they were all surprised when Tony fell to the ground. Ellie reacted quickly and placed pressure on his wound, but the blood was flowing fast…too fast. It had taken McGee a moment to come back to his senses and check on the shooter but there was no need, Tony’s aim had been true and his single shot to the head put him down.

 

He wasn’t ready to lose a teammate, and especially not Tony. They had come such a long way from the strain of the past few years. They had repaired their friendship and he had come to know the real Tony. Abby had always told him that he needed to look deeper. Shit…Abby… he wondered if anyone had called her.

 

She was going to be a wreck…maybe he should wait. He couldn’t shake the look that was on Gibbs’ face when he realized Tony wasn’t getting up. Tony was the heart of them all, everyone believed it was Abby, but he knew better.

 

He looked at the stars in the sky thinking that all he needed was a shooting star. It was a childhood thought that had no basis in fact, but somehow he always felt that if he made a wish on the stars it went higher to the heaven’s and had a greater chance of being heard, Right now, there was no other wish that he wanted heard more - Tony had to be ok.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

Ellie was shaking as she washed the blood off her hands...Tony’s blood. She felt her gut wrench at the thought of how that felt, her trying to keep it inside the man as it poured out. He was always so full of life…it was wrong to see him so lifeless.

 

This was not something for which she was prepared. She knew that it was a possibility, but she sure as hell wasn’t ready for it. Tony had been the one to bring her out of herself, tease her and make her see that her ideas mattered. McGee was right there too, but Tony was more…adapt at getting the point across.

 

She would have never thought that after meeting him the first time, but then she got to know him and see all that he brought to the table. She was an observer and she saw that Gibbs took a backseat and let Tony guide her to where she needed to be.

 

There was so much more that she wanted to learn…he needed to hang on. They needed him. All she could remember was a prayer from her childhood; Lord Jesus, look down from heaven upon my friend and soon make him well again. Thou canst do all things; hear my prayer. So she began to whisper it to the heavens hoping that this one would be heard and answered.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

Time seemed to stand still and all he was able to do was wait. Ducky had found out that Tony was still in surgery and they had lost him once on the table but right now, he was hanging on by a thread. Jethro didn’t know what to do with that bit of information. Ducky had tried to assure him that that meant that Anthony was fighting and right now that was worth a great deal.

 

Words…that was all they were…and right now they held little comfort. But hang on to him he would… Tony was fighting and that had to count for something. It wasn’t much but right now that was all he had. Sitting in the waiting room gave him time…too much time to think.

 

It was time that he thought about what he wanted to do. It shouldn’t have taken a near death experience to make him evaluate his feelings. He knew better than anyone else that time was fleeting. He refused to think Tony would defy his directive. He told him years ago he would not die and he would not allow it now. 

 

He had wasted time. There was no one to blame but himself for that and he knew that Shannon would be ashamed. Closing himself off was not what she would have wanted, nor would she have wanted him to try to replace her. She would have only wanted to see him happy and have what his heart desired. 

 

He never thought what he would desire would come in the form of one Tony DiNozzo, but it had. It wasn’t the fact that Tony was male, he never gave two shits about gender but part of it was that he was his subordinate. His quest to make sure that no one thought that he was giving preferential treatment seemed petty now.

 

He had held the man at arm’s length, letting him be a part of his life on the outskirts just never letting either of them cross that line. Tony had tried once, and he being the fool that he was and still was had rattled off the reasons why they shouldn’t. What had that gotten either of them?

 

They both were living solitary lives with moments filled by place card holders. Nameless and convenient warm bodies that meant nothing to either of them. Right now, he could think of no reason to keep doing things the way he had.

 

By now there certainly could be no reason to say that he treated Tony with any sort of preferential treatment. It was time for him to man up and take what had always been there …what had been offered to him before and what he truly wanted. He only needed one thing…Tony.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

She watched silently in the shadows wishing there was something that she could do. He had lost so very much already and she felt the despair rolling off him. He would not survive this one…there was so much he had left unsaid…undone and that would finally eat away at the last reserves he had left.

 

He needed one more chance to let go and finally live his life; she could feel the difference this time. He would finally be making the right choice for the right reasons. He needed a miracle and she would do what she could to make sure he got one. She looked to the up silently pleading to be allowed to grant this one prayer. 

 

“In all the years I have never crossed the line or asked for anything. Please Raphael I humbly ask that we be able to grant his…save these men.”

 

A figure appeared beside her. “My child you know the rules. We are not allowed to interfere with the living. Why this man? I know what Leroy means to you, but why save Anthony?”

 

“He means everything to Gibbs. He has been his strength, sometimes his conscience and always his friend. I feel what the loss will do to him; surely you feel it as well.”

 

“I do, but we often feel the devastation that permeates the loss of a loved one, we can not save them all.”

 

She turned angry blue eyes on the man. “Trust me I know that. But that man in there has sacrificed his happiness repeatedly and felt more loss than anyone needs to. He’s served and is still serving his country by helping families find peace. He has earned a miracle.”

 

“And don’t get me started on Tony. You know his history. That man deserves a chance to have everything he has never believed he deserves. Gibbs has been his rock and believed in him when few did. Isn’t that what Angels do Raphael? Can’t we do that here?” Her voice was heavy with the need and emotion to grant this one desire.

 

“This is the first time you have pleaded for a miracle. You did not when his father was set to pass, nor when his friend was fighting for his life, left for dead in the street. May I ask why now? Those deaths equally affected the man.”

 

She looked thoughtfully at Gibbs as he gripped the pew in front of him asking for a miracle.

 

“His father was ready and they had repaired their relationship. Yes, the loss was heart wrenching, but it was one he could grasp and survive. And with Franks…as much as it hurt him to lose a friend, it was the way the man would have wanted to go rather than the long-suffering illness. In that respect it left them both at peace.”

 

“But this…this is different.” She looked into Raphael’s eyes. “They need each other to breathe…they are both pigheaded, foolish and blind to what they really need. But when Gibbs was on the pier and Tony breathed life back into him I could feel it then.”

 

“I sent him back as much as he came back on his own accord. They are finally ready to see what is in front of them and they both deserve that chance. They have sacrificed so much for others. Isn’t it time that they were rewarded? It’s the time of year for miracles.”

 

He smiled at her heartfelt plea. “I wondered if and when you would bring that into it. However I have heard you as have Michael and Gabriel who are both chomping at the bit to give the man a head slap this time.”

 

“You are not the only one wanting a miracle. Listen and you will hear the others ask for the same thing. They may all have their different reasons, but all the voices together provide a very powerful argument. It’s not often we hear such a mass of harmonious prayers asking for something that fervently.” 

 

“Seems your ‘Gibbs’ has managed to make quite the impression. There have been a few bumps along the road, but he has redeemed himself from his missteps. Anthony’s loss would be far reaching…there is much that young man needs to do and so this shall be granted.”

 

Shannon turned to Raphael hugging him tightly. “Thank you.” Turning her eyes upwards, she whispered. “Thank you all.”

 

“Thank them as well”, gesturing to the images of everyone asking for their own version of this miracle.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

Gibbs sat by Tony’s bedside unwilling to move lest he miss his chance. He knew how close he came to losing Tony this time this time. The Doctors had been downright blunt about that and had basically stated that it was a miracle that he was still alive.

 

He had merely silently nodded his head at them as he watched the steady rise and fall of the younger man’s chest knowing with great certainty, that for whatever reason he had been granted his prayer. He sure as hell wasn’t going to squander it away. Having sent the team home with the promise that as soon as Tony woke up he would call, he made himself at home in the chair by the younger man’s bed.

 

He had no idea what he was going to say when the time came…words…well they were not always his strong point, but he would find the ones he needed and hope that Tony still wanted the relationship with him. There was always the chance that that ship had sailed.

 

However, right now he was not going to entertain that thought. There had to be a reason that Tony was still here with him and he was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. He turned to look at Tony lying so still in the bed. Waiting was hell.

 

Gently he took the younger man’s hand in his own, somehow wanting him to feel that he wasn’t alone, that he was there and wasn’t going anywhere.

 

There was so very much he wanted to say to Tony, to share. For the second time in his life, he was ready to open up and let go, be all in a relationship and hold nothing back. He stroked his thumb gently over Tony’s hand.

 

“So much I want to say to you…been such an ass for far too long. And it sure as hell shouldn’t take a damn life threatening injury to make me pull my head out of my ass. All those years ago you asked us to act on the pull that was between us…to give us a shot.” Gibbs sighed heavily.

 

“And what did I do? I gave you a bunch of asinine reasons not to. God I wanted to so badly…felt that bond between us from the beginning but didn’t know exactly what it was until Tobias threw you out of that car. Remember that?” A small smile graced the older man’s face.

 

“Thought I was gonna kill the man for that. Knew then that that you were more than just a friend…but I held you at arm’s length. Told myself it was for your own good that I was a Bastard, difficult, your boss an hundred other reasons except the truth.”

 

“That I was scared to feel that way again. Then today…my heart stopped when you didn’t get up after the guns went off…then I had to watch your blood spill on the ground and I couldn’t stop it. My life flashed before my eyes and I realized that I was a fool. That I was denying us both a real chance to have everything we both wanted.”

 

“Just tell me that it’s not too late…that we still have a chance…that I still have a chance.” He bowed his head struggling with the words that he wanted to say. “I mean it Tony, hell I’ll shout it from the rooftops if that’s what it takes. I know that you have every reason to doubt and question me right now. I have given you no reason trust in me or us.”

 

“There is absolutely nothing more important than you and I will do whatever it takes to show you that.” He had no idea how long he sat there and talked, could have been minutes or hours, but the relief he felt finally giving flight to the words and the feelings…hopes and desires was freeing.

 

He was unprepared for the squeeze of his hand and the green eyes staring back at him.

 

“Tony-“

 

The younger man turned his hand in his, linking their fingers together as their eyes remained locked on one another saying without words – “Yes.”


End file.
